Middle ground.
It’s all about balance.
We hear it in our work environment of balancing home and work life. We hear it from our health coaches about balancing good nutrition and exercise. We hear it in our spiritual life about learning to balance our physical world with our spiritual needs. We even hear about it in our psychological life concerning the necessity of balancing our emotional energy with the demands of our everyday world.
But is any of this realistic? And what does it really mean?
Middle ground…
So what is this “middle ground” we keep hearing of? Is it merely learning to compromise with what is going on around us? Or is it balancing unreasonable demands with our personal limitations?
compromise…
Compromising means to give up something of perceived value within yourself for the greater good. Or at least to make a way for more open discussions about the needs of one or more parties.
It is used when countries have open conflicts that can turn deadly, and finding something both sides can agree upon to gain peace once more. It happens when coworkers disagree and cause disruption to the work flow of any project, and the manager needs to step in to find a solution that will appeal to both sides. It happens in familial setting when one child argues with another to prove their superiority or authority over another. The parents will step in to help them learn to give a little on both sides of the aisle so that the relationship doesn’t end in an all-out battle.
These are means to reach a “middle ground” – ways to make the travel beside another human being goes more smoothly and reduce the friction.
setting boundaries…
But there is another way.
It is learning to stand up for what is necessary to create a more pleasant, less stressful environment between institutional or societal demands and the personal needs of those who aren’t capable of following the demands.
These are people who have limiting factors, emotionally or physically, which prevent them from understanding or following the expectations of the masses. It is learning to figure out how to prevent unreasonable expectations on those less capable of complying. And the person with those limitations works to find reasonable accommodations which will help them cope.
the first step…
Learning what those limitations are is the first step in finding the middle ground in this instance. The limitations are discovered in both the individual and those outside them.
If, for example, a paraplegic is unable to use the stairs or ramps provided for the handicap because of the limitation of their equipment, and they need to access that specific facility, there needs to be a way for the services provided in the building to be brought to the person. Or find the means necessary to transport the person to the location within.
If an individual has a limited capacity to work on multiple projects or directions at one time, then the employer has to understand the needs of their employee and find a way to break the work into more manageable chunks.
Neither of these things should inconvenience either party. But when accommodations are required, both parties must to come to a consensus on just how far the other is capable of bending.
If neither can, then the relationship is a faulty one. Both the individual with the limitations and the lack of opportunities to accommodate those limitations will not be capable of working together. It means simply that the requirements for both parties are not ones in which a compromise can be made.
And that’s okay, too. That sets the baseline, or boundaries, of what can and cannot be accomplished.
The middle ground isn’t always reachable in all situations.
Yet the concept of a middle ground remains.
Reality…
The one thing that doesn’t seem to be understood by our society is that not everything can be found to be accommodating to everyone. When one group demands their voice be heard and acknowledged, another voice that may conflict with those demands may be squelched.
Even people with disabilities cannot always be accommodated. It doesn’t mean they are important or their handicap isn’t valid. All it means is that there is no reasonable way to make the situation easier for either party.
The one thing that doesn’t seem to be understood by our society is that not everything can be found to be accommodating to everyone.
For example, if a wheelchair-bound person wants to go spelunking, there isn’t a means make that happen in most instances. Spaces are often so tight that even physically able individuals have a hard time getting through. Or the cave walls so steep that a person bound to a piece of heavy equipment wouldn’t be able to manage the descent. Not to mention the endangerment to those trying to accommodate their request!
But in most instances, our everyday lives constantly demand some means of finding a middle ground without unreasonable demands.
Let’s explore a few of these.
Meeting in the middle…
The Autistic community is a good example.
There is a great deal of pressure on those who do not conform to the norm to become “normal”. But that is like demanding that a person with one leg do a marathon just like everyone else. It doesn’t work.
On the other hand, there is a great deal of unreasonable outrage by those who claim they are Autistic (diagnostically discovered or not) to try to create environments that are more accommodating to them.
Many of these things are necessary, like the ability to wear noise cancelling ear protector devices or sunglasses in a workplace setting prevents the sensory overload that would keep the person from fulfilling their task.
But some of them go over the top.
Have you even been in a store that has “sensory hours”? The hours are set in the morning when many Autistics are at work. Just because the Muzak is off doesn’t mean the loud noises produced by stacking products, forklifts, compressors of refrigerators, talking of the customers and employees isn’t heard by the noise-sensitive person. The stores are prone to echoing and amplifying those sounds.
Add that to the glaring and bright blue-white LED overhead lights and you have a recipe for sensory overload.
Those who are disabled in other ways, such as physical limitations, should be allowed to have access to normal businesses and employment, provided they are given special accommodations. Elevators, ramps, or single story buildings, adjustable desks, etc. all help to give them access to much needed employment and services.
But it is expensive, and smaller businesses may not always be able to comply. To force them to do so could shut them down or spend more money than they are capable of doing.
It even extends to the realm of differing opinions such as politics. All sides demand their way is the only way, and deplatform and defame those who disagree. Whichever side is in control is the one who shuts down the other, and a balance of voices is never reached.
So what should we do?
nuances…
The problem is that we demand our point of view to be the ONLY point of view. And that hurts everyone.
The pendulum swings from full accommodations to no accommodations within any given situation. No one is willing to see the pendulum at rest – in the middle of the swing.
But remember, there is no one right way to reach this agreeable ground.
What is the key, then?
The key to finding the acceptable means is to view the situation without personal feelings. Emotions will thwart any effort to discover what is necessary to fulfill the main principals of the disagreement.
How is this done? By conversation and education. Learning to really listen to the other side instead of shutting them down without understanding.
For example, if society demonizes a particular country, those who are from that country are automatically demonized as well. That often comes from years of indoctrination through public control of the media, educational system, and family training. So automatically, anyone from those places are tainted in the minds of those who fell for the prejudices.
Emotions will thwart any effort to discover what is necessary…[to solve any problem]
We can all learn to unlearn the biases we have by listening to the stories of others. Learning to hear their point of view will often gain ground in healing relationships with those we have previously shunned.
No everyone can be placed under an umbrella of our often faulty perceptions.
Learn to unlearn…
Learning to listen, taking the time to reach out and open our hearts and minds to others will help to heal many rifts.
That is the one thing that most people will not do. They reinforce their opinions based on the company they keep around them.
But learning that we are all unique will go a long way toward healing that rift we ourselves cause between each other.
We do not see ourselves as judging others, yet we all do it. Recognizing that we do will help to mitigate the outcome.
Learn to see the virtues – the good parts – of each individual. Learn what makes them tick, then justify their behavior appropriately based on the new knowledge gained.
We do not see ourselves as judging others, yet we all do it.
No, that person isn’t stupid because they don’t understand what you think you said clearly. Perhaps they just process words differently than you do.
No, that person isn’t a bad person because they came from (fill-in-the-blank country), but they may have come here to flee the very thing you dislike about that region. You’ll ever know until you get to know them.
No, that person isn’t being nasty, but perhaps you are when you gossip about their faults.
fix yourself…
It is a matter of perception.
Let us work on fixing ourselves and gaining understanding of those around us. Then work to get to understand them better. You still may not like them, but at least that understanding will help to ease the tension between you and the other person.
That is what most people will not do.
They will not work to find that much needed middle ground.