every human being matters

Over the years, I often face comments without context: “You make people uncomfortable,” “You’re not a team player,” “You’re too opinionated.” At work, I’d been assigned the challenging tasks like performing quality control on others’ projects, often met with resistance. At other times, I see the inevitable outcome of a particularly chosen path by leadership or society, but my concerns are frequently dismissed as unfounded and I am labeled as “too opinionated”.

A recurring problem is the lack of details — the “who, what, where” — and I have no way to clarify or address misunderstandings. I rarely know what I said or did to cause these impressions, and I never get the chance to resolve or learn from them.

I’m pretty sure I never threatened or accused anyone; I simply share observations based on what I see or experience. I’m often seen as outspoken, especially when my timing, presentation, or the recipient’s mindset isn’t receptive, or they don’t know me well enough to understand I speak in absolutes, not opinions. This usually happens during moments of overwhelm or when I face unresolved problems I cannot influence, often about situations I see heading toward an unavoidable outcome.

I would often beat myself up and wonder why I was created, thinking hiding forever was the solution. I didn’t understand until recently that unrecognized trauma left me ill-equipped to handle rejection. Unresolved frustration would build until I could no longer control it, often damaging relationships with those not responsible.

I share this personal, lifelong experience not to excuse my behavior—I’m fully to blame. Instead, I hope it helps others recognize that when they have awkward conversations, they might unknowingly trigger someone else’s unresolved issues.

Behind every emotional outburst, there is always a root cause.

But how to handle it is another matter. And there are steps that might help reduce that friction and smooth things over. Especially if it isn’t a normal type of reaction with someone you know.

But first, let’s begin with defining terms…

I began to wonder what the function of conversation really was meant to be.

Normally, conversation is an exchange of ideas between two people. Sometimes it can be one-sided (like from those who have specialized interests), or it can be discussions over anything from the weather to difficult or controversial topics. Sometimes they are pleasant, and sometimes they are heated, and sometimes just misinformed opinions.

We’ve all faced each kind—and more. While we prefer lighter conversations, we’ve still encountered the awkward ones. It is inevitable as our humanness tends to color our personal world with learned behaviors and viewpoints. And as long as we deal with each other, there will be no escape from that reality.

Taking a personal assessment…

If you’re the one who is overwhelmed and nearing a boiling point, avoiding situations where you’ll have to interact with others might be the first course of action on your part. You’re likely to encounter triggers—words, gestures—that remind you of past issues. If attendance is unavoidable, stay apart from others, and leave immediately if you sense your body stiffening or feeling trapped. You may be close to losing control, and no one in the room deserves the fallout.

The best advice is to prepare in advance before exposing yourself publicly. If you have unresolved issues and know you can’t contain them, plan escape routes. Develop strategies that work for you, whether it’s leaving quickly or practicing regular body scans. When tension builds, do deep breathing and relaxation exercises to calm your limbic system. If the strain becomes too much, leave.

I also need to remember to follow this advice — and sometimes admitting a weakness publicly helps remind ourselves of our own guidance.

What if you are the recipient?

For those who are the recipients of such encounters, consider how to handle these situations. They’re uncomfortable but usually harmless—especially if you’ve dealt with the person before and they appeared unusually distressed in that recent encounter. We really don’t know why the person may be in the emotional state they are in, so being on guard to protect yourself against the negativity is necessary to maintain your own inner peace.

Unless there’s a physical threat, don’t interpret someone’s negativity as a personal attack. They may be venting or overwhelmed beyond their comfort zone. We can’t know what’s truly happening inside unless we ask. If you’re unable or haven’t the capacity to find out, consider following one or two of these suggestions to help yourself.

Treat them with kindness, but be clear if you’re uncomfortable. Then change the subject away from that topic. If that doesn’t work, it may be because they might not pick up on subtle hints. Directly communicate that you prefer to end the conversation. Then excuse yourself to step away.

You don’t have to stay in a situation that makes you uncomfortable. You can remove yourself, as you may not understand the other person’s perspective or angst. It’s not your place to judge. Most past interactions with them likely weren’t as distressing as this. So protect your peace and forgive the intrusion. There are better ways to handle difficult conversations.

If this isn’t typical, involving leadership likely won’t help—it’s probably a one-time issue. The only result will be damaging trust between those you share space with.

Repeated uncomfortable interactions with someone can be reported to leadership. However, without specific details allowed to be shared with the other person, even if your name isn’t mentioned, it won’t help. Lacking proper context, the offender will be blindsided, preventing leadership from addressing the issue effectively. This leaves the offender unaware of what happened and unable to fix the problem, leading to worsened relationships, increased distrust, and misunderstandings with those who could provide proper guidance.

If you are capable of doing so, learn what makes the other person tick…

You might be surprised to find out what is going on. And your understanding may be one way to help the other person see what they are doing.

My mother often “kicked against the goad” during my preteen years. I didn’t initially understand why she was so irritable, but time and distance revealed her inner turmoil.

As a child of an abusive father, her worldview was shaped by trauma. Dormant triggers surfaced as she aged, especially when listening to world affairs, exposing her buried fears. She saw the world through the lens of her wounded childhood, and her outbursts stemmed from subconscious memories.

People avoided her, including us, driving others away. Only her close friends, understanding her past, accepted her without discomfort.

It wasn’t until adulthood that I truly grasped what shaped her into who she became.

It sparked my curiosity about others. When I encounter someone I don’t understand or who is negative, I wonder what shaped their perspective. Instead of discomfort, I feel compassion, which helps calm the situation both within myself, and often for the other person as well.

If you regularly interact with someone, take time to understand them better; it can prevent future misunderstandings. You don’t need to be a therapist to gain insight into their past, but learning where they came from can often help future encounters. Sometimes, after a difficult conversation, you may realize their behavior stems from unresolved inner wounds they haven’t acknowledged. This understanding can help you see their perspective, especially if they seem unsettling.

You don’t need to like or engage with them, but understanding them reduces your own reactions toward them by clarifying where their true motives lie. It also builds compassion for them and others, fostering resilience when you realize none of it is about you personally.

Acts like that have shifted my own negative outlook in the very recent past. Those little gestures of kindness and listening clarified the misperceptions fueling my angst.

Perhaps you might hold the key to changing their perspective and helping them find that inner peace they lack.