In case anyone was wondering about my experience inside one of the world’s largest network of caverns…
No.
I do not like caves!!!
Then why in the world….?
Because my dad.
Well, I can’t completely blame him. My mom had a lot to do with planning our yearly travels.
One year, my dad had a meeting out in Kentucky. The business travel agency gave opportunities for the families of the participants a chance to see the sites in the area.
For us, that meant Mammoth Caverns National Park.
Great.
Except, growing up in earthquake prone areas, I was terrified of a massive collapse and dreamt of being buried alive.
Yes, yes. All positive Debby Downer stuff.
But there it was.
What wasn’t conveyed to us was that we were going to descend into the bowels of the earth for an extended period of time.
TWO HOURS, to be exact.
Into the deep…
So there we were. Following a bunch of other equally excited stragglers. Into the mouth of the cave. Beyond the beautiful blue skies….and into the depths of darkness.
Okay, so it wasn’t really dark. After all, the park service did a lot of work adding lights and safety railing along the way.
But they warned us that it was easy to get lost, so either stick together or it might take a very long time to locate your body.
Wonderful encouragement.
So down we all went. Into the now Historic path of the caves.
Tight places and strange sights…
Beyond the long entrance stairs and trail leading deeper into the caverns, we were greeted by Hutchins Narrows. This area of low hanging ceilings led us deeper into the bowels of the earth.
The heat of the day began to be replaced by the frigid air of the earth.
It was refreshing as the suffocating heat and humidity of mid summer weather was oppressive above ground.
We crowded around the Rotunda looking into the depths of the world below, waiting for the park guide to begin the tour.
I could feel the weight of the earth above my head.
Two hours? I was getting a tiny bit panicky.
Not having a choice, I soldiered on.
Practical uses…
The first place we went was the practical use of the riches this mine had to offer. Saltpeter.
For those of you who do not know, Saltpeter Potassium Nitrate) is an indispensable necessity for food preservation, gunpowder, tree stump removal, and rocket propellent.
Not to mention fireworks. Can’t leave those out. Without that, there’d be no Fourth of July or New Year’s Eve displays!
Broadway and beyond…
Looking at the pictures, I still remember these places as if I were there yesterday.
The wide path that went from the Rotunda to Broadway had tall ceilings and was less overwhelming than the others. Pretty, but dull, except for the lights.
Then the lights became dimmer.
Ahead of us was something that is called now, “Giant’s Coffin”. It is an odd rock shape that looks like the coffin of some giant creature.
Past the Wooden Bowl (not shown), which was an area of smaller caves, we took a steep decent further into the depths. From there we entered into Black Snake Avenue.
For anyone with claustrophobia, this is pretty awful! Not as bad as others, like Fat Man’s Squeeze in Tennessee, but pretty darned close! You walked single file through a narrow passageway into the unknown.
Yea.
(Did I tell you I hate caves?)
Finally something interesting…
Throughout history, there has been graffiti. So to all you graffiti artists who think you’ve got something new to share, got news for you. You ain’t the first! (There’s even graffiti in Rome!)
Yes, it’s not just on modern train cars and city walls. It came about long before better artists used spray cans to decorate on canvases they didn’t own.
Signatures from the people who passed through the caves and probably worked there as well, marked the walls of this historic route. Their lives long gone, the signatures marked the passage of time as they lived beyond their creators.
Then down even further.
This was getting unnerving.
You couldn’t see beyond the cave ceiling, so it was really into the unknown.
For the life of me, I can’t see how the original discoverers of this place didn’t get lost! What a tangle!
Then into something that really got to me.
The Saddle Pit.
Tight passages, low ceilings, still air. Creepy.
If that wasn’t enough, we had to cross a Bottomless Pit. Literally. You couldn’t see the bottom, even with all the lights.
Great.
But as if that wasn’t enough, now we had to dive DEEPER into the center of the earth.
(For those who were wondering, Jules Verne was wrong. It ISN’T hotter toward the center. IT COLDER!!!!)
But wait…there’s MORE!
So by this time, my claustrophobia was going into high gear. But these adrenal junkies who created this tour decided to take vistors through one of the narrowest passages in the caverns.
Fat Man’s Misery.
I wasn’t fat. Never have been. But the squeeze we had to go through to get past this point was almost too much. Even I had a time going through the narrow passageway.
And the claustrophobia was slowly rising.
Trust me. I had nightmares for MONTHS after all this!
Is there no end in sight?
The next place we went was “Great Relief”.
Yes. It was.
At least a little bit. But the ceiling was too close for comfort.
And I didn’t care about all those historical signatures at that point. I just wanted to see the sun again!
But, alas! That was not to be.
Instead, to further torture those who hate caves, we were led to a resting spot. Deep inside the cave.
The walls were closing in, as was the ceiling.
At that time, River Hall had snacks and drinks for the faint of heart and thirsty.
Unfortunately, that cost money. And mine was in the car…miles above me.
Somewhere. In the hot, hot summer sun.
The stairs leading up were just to test our resolve to survive…we were already told that without the guide we’d get lost and die.
Alone.
Somewhere along the way out of there, the tour guide got the brilliant idea to turn out all the lights. Some sicko came up with the concept of scaring the bejeebers out of the noobie cave dwellers and introduce them to the joys of listening to the scuttle of the cave rats and chirping bats.
Awesome. As if being a mile underground wasn’t enough. Now we had to listen to the cave creatures who could “see” in the pitch black which could eat us alive if need be.
And we wouldn’t know how to get out of there.
This was no longer fun.
ALMOST FREE!!
After his humorous demonstration of rat crawling and flying bats fell flat, we were led to the final journey toward the outside world.
Were we close?
Define “close”.
Up the stairs out of the Relief Room and through MORE narrow passages of Spark Avenue, we found ourselves facing an insurmountable obstacle.
Mammoth Dome. Go figure. A dome inside a cave.
Not a small one. Oh no!
It was HUGE!!!!
And we had to climb to the TOP to get out. All 155 steps. After a two hour walk, can you imagine what the old women were thinking?
“H*%% NO! MY FEET WON’T GO!”
At this point, I was ready to grab some crampons and just figure out a way out. I think I had enough adrenaline in me to not only get out, but run a marathon back home 3,000 miles away from this Hell-Hole!
(Remind me again whose idea it was to join “20,000 Leagues Under” again? Oh yeah. Mom.)
Done? Of course not!
At this stage of the survival game, we were all hungry and just a little beyond grouchy.
That promise of the exit wasn’t yet to be. Nope.
We had to endure the sweet sounding place called, “Butterscotch Falls”.
Yum!
But it was a lie.
If it weren’t for the lights, it wouldn’t look like butterscotch at all.
It certainly didn’t smell like it.
And I didn’t care at that point. I was getting beyond hungry as breakfast was hours behind us.
Yes, the water running over it made it look like smooth butterscotch. Yes, it kind of looked like taffy.
But so what? I couldn’t eat it, and they didn’t offer it in their snack bar, so it I didn’t care.
(And for goodness’ sake, don’t call a solid rock formation something edible at the end of a long hike. That’s just cruel!)
FREEDOM AT LAST!!!!
Finally! The last stupid room to cross to the outside world…
The reminders of the listening to all those little creatures in the pitch dark.
Yea.
And they had to call it “Little Bat and Audubon Avenue”.
Just freaking awesome! The reminders of the listening to all those little creatures in the pitch dark.
Great.
Guano. Bat poop. Respiratory problems.
And what does the Audubon have to do with bats and rats? No clue.
All I knew was that in a few more short steps I’d see the sun again!
Little did I know the joy of the outside world would be short lived…
By the time we were done with the escape, all I wanted to do was to sit down on the groomed lawn. I decided I’d never want to see another cave in my lifetime.
But the lush, green lawn was crawling with an unseen enemy of the human race.
But the lush, green lawn was crawling with an unseen enemy of the human race. Something I paid dearly for, for months in the future. (Yes. This adventure isn’t finished!)
I swore at this point that I’d NEVER AGAIN set foot in the Southern part of the United States – or ANY tropical/semi-tropical part of the world!
How could ANY human being in their right mind decide to migrate to a nasty, bug infested area and think that was okay?
However, I lived to regret my words.
Several decades later, I moved there. And got to relive all the joys of this experience over again.
May the nightmares begin!
Lovely.
(All photos come from the National Park Gallery and do not indicate any copyright symbols on or in them. No copyright infringement is intended, are are pulled per the Copyright and Usage Info from the National Park Gallery: “*Images credited to NPS without any copyright symbol are public domain. Images credited with a copyright symbol (indicating that the creator may maintain rights to the work) or credited to any entity other than NPS must not be presumed to be public domain; contact the host park or program to ascertain who owns the material.”)