every human being matters

I am certain that all of you have heard the saying, “If the mountain will not come to Muhammad, then Muhammad will come to the mountain.”

But what happens when neither of them will move?

In the beginning…

A few years back, having spoiled each new dog which was added to my ever growing pack, I had to move up a notch from a twin sized bed to a double just to fit all the warm bodies. The reality of the situation came when I realized that allowing the animals to curl up with me at night lessened my chances of any sleep at all.

It also showed up in a variety of aches and pains from such positions as

• The Twisted Fetal Pose
• The S Curve
• and the ever popular, There Is No Room at the Inn.

So I had a few options:

• either I slept in the dog bed, or
• I got a bigger bed.

And before you say, “What about just kicking them out of YOUR bed?”, those little buggers had a sneaky way of finding out how to climb their way back up when I fell into deep sleep.

So, yeah. About that…

Sleep…

But that was not to be.

I longed for a place to spread my legs full length without having to lay across a dog’s growling body.

And to wake up without having to run to the chiropractor before work just to stand up straight.

You see, my dogs ranged from a 35 pound beagle to a 77 pound Lab-Pyranees mix. I, on the other hand, am merely a human of mixed descent who only longs for the comfort of snuggling with a dog. Singular. Two at most.

And the possibility of sleeping through the night without awakening the next day in the form of a perverted pretzel. Permanently.

Enough of that. So what does that have to do with Muhammad? What is that mountain of which I speak?

So what does that have to do with Muhammad? What is that mountain of which I speak?

Blankets.

In order to sleep soundly, I am one of those people who needs to be under a cover. It could be a blanket, a quilt in winter, or a sheet in summer. It doesn’t really matter. The point is that this is essential for a good night’s rest.

Yet nightly, no matter how well I planned my entrance into the double sized bed, I found myself the loser.

Daunted…

I even tried strategically placing stuffed animals to block off my designated spot from the dogs. However, my coveted spot ended up under the dead weight of a snoring pooch. Usually the largest one of the group.

To retrieve my much needed object usually resulted in neither Muhammad nor the mountain moving.

And I ended up with some part of my anatomy exposed to the air while the dogs blissfully on top of my coveted prize.

(Dragons. Dragons and my pot of gold. That’s what it reminded me of…and dang! if I only I had a knight in shining armor to retrieve the darned thing!)

Sigh.

So much for a good night’s sleep.

But wait, there’s more!

No matter the bed size, no matter the dog size, they [have] highly complex maneuvers necessary to occupy every square inch of mattress…

I have discovered that no matter the size of the bed, dogs tend to find that the area chosen to be suitable for a human body is infinitely more comfortable than, say, the rest of the bed.

No matter the bed size, no matter the dog size, they have a natural instinct which allows them to determine the highly complex maneuvers necessary to occupy every square inch of mattress that could be used for human positioning.

So what would happen if…

I’m beginning to wonder what a large sized dog bed would be like to sleep on? And if I slept there, would the dogs get off my bed?

Wait. They sell those!

I actually tried theirs once. It wasn’t as fancy as the ones sold on Amazon, but it was a big one. And much less fluffy…sadly.

They still preferred my bed. It wasn’t ME they wanted…it was MY BED.

All I ended up with was an aching back.

And so…

I am now down to one dog. The one that isn’t even mine.

Usually she does this right after I’d put clean linens on the bed.

She takes over my bed when I’m not looking.

Then she slobbers on her foot until the saliva thoroughly soaks through my blanket, sheets, and mattress cover. Usually she does this right after I’d put clean linens on the bed. Of course! Because…why not?

When she hears me coming, she jumps down onto the floor before I enter the rooms and looks innocent.

As I get ready for bed and snuggle my feet under the covers, I discover her gift of wetness she left me.

Grumbling loudly, I have to change my entire bed…again. Grrrrr!

I have come to the conclusion that dogs, while warm in the winter, and flea ridden in the summer, definitely belong on the floor.

Do you have dogs, too?

Share your experiences with us! We’d love to hear your stories.