This year has been one of a tremendous amount of understanding and revelation. About myself. And about my family members. With no corporate job pressures anymore, it was time to focus on healing. That meant me. And those around me.
And I discovered something very special about each one of us. Our differences. And our similarities.
We are each loved just the way we are.
Changing perspectives…
In the recent past, I realized that I really didn’t understand people. But I didn’t like being around them. I defended their right to be treated with dignity. Nevertheless, I just couldn’t figure them out in a way that made sense to me.
It wasn’t because they were different than me. I could handle that.
Maybe there was something more. Perhaps I was different to them.
Misunderstood…
What bothered me more was that no one understood me. All my life I tried to understand what made others tick, yet no one else would accept me for who I was. No one tried to understand the reasoning behind my approach toward tasks at hand.
I was labelled harsh, uncaring, blunt, critical, unfeeling, etc. Often criticized, and often told to behave like everyone else, I never could figure out why I couldn’t. Or what I was doing wrong.
If I was told to do something, I did it. And if I was told that I was supposed to act a specific way, I tried to conform. But the criticisms remained the bane of my interpersonal relationships.
None of the critics would never come forward and tell me face to face what was going on. They’d hide behind the managers.
So the frustration was that I could never “fix” the alleged grievances.
What was different…
What I kept coming back to was that I have always seen things through the lens of stark contrasts. No gray scale anywhere. Data, evaluation, literal terms. And I couldn’t understand why the rest of the world saw my perspectives as hurtful and uncompassionate.
While being told to critique my coworkers work, I was also told not to tell people of their mistakes because it made them feel bad. But because I could easily find mistakes and details missing from other’s work, I was constantly put in charge of Quality Control.
That position difficult. I had to put up with a lot of vitriol for doing my job well.
Upon reflection, the real problem wasn’t with any of us. It was simply that no one understood what was going on in our perceptions.
Worse, no one thought to figure out that there was a problem with the system – not the individuals involved.
Recent discoveries…
The scientific community has made recent discoveries into the inner working of our brains. They now realize that there are a lot of people who live outside the boundaries of what is considered “normal”. It is called neurodivergency, or differences in brain function.
The concept of neurological differences did not exist in the past. In the western world, individuals who did not follow the normal pattern of development were classified as lazy, rebellious, crazy. Everyone in society had to be just like everyone else. The fact that there was a variety of brain functions that did not follow the normal patterns of most people in that culture meant that the “different” people had to change to fit in.
But the third world countries, people were accepted for who they were. There was no distinction between “normal” or “abnormal”. Each fit into a place within the culture. No one tried to make them become what they were not good at. So each person filled a role in society that they fit into.
But today, the world of understanding is just beginning to open up because of these discoveries. Those who are different in their sensory perceptions or cognitive functions are a little more accepted. And while the development of treatments and approaches are in their infancy, they are on the upward swing toward real progress.
Has it always been this way?
Perhaps. It is difficult to tell. Communities used to be far more accepting of differences in personalities, perspectives, life skills, physical disabilities, etc.
The environment of our world is very different now. Biogenetic disturbances are increasingly prevelant. From pesticides to prescription and street drugs, air quality to chemicals – anything and everything affects the delicate functions of the body and the brain.
Additionally, the increasing demands of our modern life has created a perfect storm for those who were designed to live simply. Multitasking and mentally demanding pressures have increased exponentially.
But we don’t know if any of this is the root cause of the neurodivergent tendencies. If nothing else, it definitely aggravates the problem.
Acceptance…
As human beings, we all need acceptance. That is a universal fact.
However, those on the neurological periphery have never felt that they mattered. Compassion and charity in our modern society has taken a back burner toward those who do not fit in.
But one thing began to strike me as I dove deeper into this seeming dysfunction.
Regardless of anyone’s opinion about each of us, every individual is made perfectly. Nothing that we have is really a defect per se. It is only labeled so because there are many who do not want to deal with those outside their idea of “normalcy”.
Sometimes those differences are visible. But many times it is not. There isn’t one person who does not have an imperfection.
And that’s okay. Our differences are the pieces that fit into the puzzle we call “humanity”. Without them, creation as a whole would be incomplete.
Edges of a puzzle piece do not match any other.there is a purpose for their specific design. If one piece was missing there would be a hole. Likewise, a piece put in the wrong location would be an obvious mistake.
So, too, are each one of us designed with a unique pattern. Therefore, we fit perfectly in only one place within the human race.
Don’t ever change who you are…
We reject our place in creation when we reject ourselves. And we reject who we are when we can’t figure out why we are different.
But by doing so, it leaves a hole in humanity. No one else can fill that void.
Mankind needs our uniqueness to function smoothly. It is necessary for us to retain our uniqueness to fill the void. Otherwise, our world becomes monotonous.
Learning to accept and embrace the differences that we are born with is hard. But when we do, it is freeing. We can then focus on what we excel at instead of trying to find a place that is just like everyone else’s.
Once we recognize that we hold a unique place in all of the human race, we don’t have to adapt to anyone else’s concepts or reality.
Learning…
In addition to accepting ourselves just as we were created, all of us need to learn one other important thing:
It is essential that we learn to love. And to love perfectly. For to love perfectly, we must make the choice to will the good of the other, even if it means loving those you don’t like. It is an act of the will, and that often is not accompanied by feelings or emotions.
It starts with ourselves. For if we do not love ourselves in the right way, we cannot love anyone else. And to love one’s self the right way isn’t a selfish act. It can’t be because that love grows to those around them.
Nonconformity…
As I learned to accept myself, I realized that I didn’t need to conform. I was perfect the way I was. Even if I wasn’t the most patient person in the world, at least I could accept my limitations and learn to live within those boundaries.
And figuring out that having limitations was okay was an eye opener.
And now I know why…
I learned that I was to approach life from a very different angle, and that this is okay. This new-found freedom meant that my approach to life and living didn’t need to follow anyone else’s norm.
Once I understood that, I could look back on my past and see patterns emerging. Throughout those patterns my own differences and uniquenesses emerged. Those differences were a design for something far more antithetical than anyone else’s characteristics.
I began to study the paths others like me have gone, and designed my own to fit me. Including my own individualistic creativity.
I was okay. Being different was no longer a problem. Therefore, it didn’t matter what anyone else thought about me. No longer was I feeling uncomfortable in my own skin.
Healing…
One of the most difficult things I realized through this was the anger and frustration I held toward God. I couldn’t understand why I was brought into existence with all these limitations and difficulties.
Why was I created with such flaws?!? Why is ANYONE created with imperfections?
Then God spoke quietly to me:
“If you were the same as everyone else, there would be no room in the Body of Christ for you. For each human being, while uniquely and beautifully made, is imperfect. On purpose. When each individual viewed together, the Body of Christ is complete.
“You are part of that complete picture. And you are essential to It. Be at peace.”
I realized my place. And I accepted it.
Perfection…
Each one of us have been created perfectly. Not physically or mentally, but spiritually. We were born with Original sin, washed clean in the waters of Baptism, and regenerated in our hearts and minds only when we finally let go of the reigns of our lives.
When each person allows themselves to let God take care of them, to love them, to hold them, to lead them, then there is peace. For only then it becomes that perfect acceptance that the God Who is perfect never makes mistakes.
I am not a mistake. Neither are you.
Neurodivergency has a place among those who are neurotypical.
We need to accept that.
All of us.
Those who think that we should all learn, act, be the same as someone’s idea of an ideal human being have to come to terms with this.
We aren’t all the same. And we shouldn’t be.
We are each loved just the way we are. By the very God Who created each star in the sky and named them one by one,so, too, did He call each one of us into existence and call us by name.
And He called us into being because of Love. He loves us fully and completely, just the way we are.
Learning who you are and how you were made opens up doors to a new world of healing. Accepting that we aren’t supposed to be like everyone else is liberating.
Embrace how you were created. For there is no one else who can fill your place.