After 20 years of working in corporate headquarters, I didn’t realize the pressure that I had been experiencing for so long. By my last year, I had reached a point of burnout that is almost indescribable. I snapped at every little sound. Sleeping through the night was impossible. Eating was a chore; fixing meals was even worse. And hydration? No matter the amount of water or other liquids drunk, it wasn’t enough.
When the light shone at the end of those years of dark tunnel, I was ecstatic! I didn’t care that I would have about a third of my income per month. I would be FREE!!!! Free from the stresses working at a company that didn’t share my values. Free from taking on responsibilities and the pressures of fulfilling other people’s dreams.
My sense of creativity had disappeared. The sense of belonging or having any semblance of human dignity was all but gone.I had disappeared.
And I didn’t even know it.
But now I could regain what, for years, was lost.
Then the world changed…
Within a few months after quitting, we moved out of state. Our new environment brought tremendous challenges. But it also brought with it the opportunity to start anew.
Without understanding the unresolved problems in my own life, I didn’t realize that the move wasn’t without problems. Struggling to get our house in place was several months of sheer frustration. The unexpected expenses that nearly completely depleted my savings I was depending on to extend my meager income added to the stress. And the children who were growing up and increased in volume as they grew added to a part of me I didn’t understand that I had.
Over the course of the last 7 months, it came to light – to MY light – that something was terribly amiss. What we had begun to build as a family before the move was falling apart around us after we were finally settled in.
And I didn’t understand what was going on.
Discovery…
The past month has been a time of self-discovery. Constantly battling dark moods and unexplained outbursts became an awareness of something else deeper going on.
And it wasn’t recent. It was a long time in development.
After a discussion with a family member, the mention of “high functioning autism” was brought up. It made me curious. After all, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) wasn’t that far off the mark and had many similarities with the other “disorder”.
So I did some research.
And found that there were others who experienced the world like I was. They have a high level of sensitivity to the world around them. The five senses are heightened; some more than others. Sounds and touch have always been an issue with me. And the need for alone time, and time spent in nature was always necessary. Lots of sleep. Eating regularly. And being hydrated.
They have what has been loosely termed, “Hyper-Sensitive Persons”, or HPS.
Taking care of myself had been lost long ago. It was considered “selfish” and “self-centered” to do such a thing. The very idea of “self-care” was frowned upon as something almost akin to a grave sin.
“The body must be disciplined, not catered to!”
Now I can say, “BALDERDASH!!!” to the whole lot of them! It is something I HAVE to do in order to truly learn to enjoy life – again.
Self-care…
For people who are extremely sensitive, NOT taking care of self and getting proper down time results in someone who is ineffective at their job or with relationships. The very triggers that make them sensitive can also be their best assets, but not if they have neglected their much needed downtime.
Nothing will create a better person if that individual neglects themselves in the process.
Learning about this for the first time in a different perspective gave me great insight into who I was and how I was made.
Journaling has become an eye-opener as well. Traits and characteristics that have always existed began to emerge.
The puzzle pieces began to fit.
Learning which things are triggers for sensitivity overload are beginning to reveal themselves as the patterns fall into place. And I can find methods of handling them more effectively.
Giving myself permission to rest whenever I need to because I can finally see the limits of my nerves being reached becomes clearer. And it’s okay. It’s not selfish to do so.
In just a few days, the world is starting to take on a different perspective.
I DON’T have to do what others want me to do. Making my own choices and learning to take care of myself has begun to change my moods, attitudes, and relationships.
And more than that, creativity is starting to reemerge – long lost since childhood.
Such a revelation of just how much our society demands of us was amazing. And the toll it takes on each person in its stranglehold is extremely strong. We are guilted into it every day.
Bless those who have gone before and are leading the way to newfound freedom!
The same can be for others…
Many people never truly take the time to discover who they really are. They don’t realize just how important they are, how valuable they are just the way they are made. Instead, there is pressure to conform and be just like everyone else.
But that is wrong!
It is because we aren’t all the same that make the human race an artistic design, intertwining with each other, and weaving a colorful tapestry of perfection.
We are all made differently. And we are meant to be that way to compliment each other.
The problem is that we don’t all have the time to take a real look at ourselves as we ought. It is as if society purposefully distracts us with unnecessary work and self-help methods that don’t get to the underlying cause of what is going wrong with us.
So when we make mistakes or get frustrated with others, it is often because we don’t even know who we are. We see reflections of the ugly side of ourselves in those around us instead of looking inside and finding the beauty within.
There is too much stolen from us. Our time. Our self-image. Who we really are. And what we can become.
Some have risen above it all. But those are the exceptions, not the rule.
For the rest of us, take the time to decompress. Go to a job that is less stressful, even if it means taking a pay cut. Lower your lifestyle to fit your income and simplify your life.
Turn off your phones and news channels. Limiting negativity in life generates more appreciation for the life you have at this very moment.
Fear drives our world today. You don’t need to participate in it.
The journey has just begun. Find yourself as I am discovering mine.